There are times when a friend says something to you that throws you off. Her words flip, tone deaf even.
Let's say this is a really kind friend, one who everybody thinks the world of. In yogic terms, she embodies tejas, "the radiant splendor of personality that expresses itself as creativity, love, courage and compassion--a melting tenderness that draws all hearts." Her words sting, and you ask yourself how could she, all compassionate and all, say that to you?
What were those skewering words?
"It ain't nuthin' but a thang."
Context: this happened while I was living in North Carolina, and this lovely woman had the sweetest of southern accents. She was smart as a whip, and every sentence she spoke came out like literature. With that honeyed voice, it was essentially her way of helping me put some perspective on something I was ruminating on. The basic meaning was pretty much the southern equivalent of "Don't sweat the small stuff," but damned if her way of putting it didn't lightened me up rather than leave me feeling invalidated. (Unlike phrases such as "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps," or "Don't worry, be happy," which while said in good faith, can leave one feeling unheard.)
As I did a search through my photo library for this post, I ran across this one of me hanging out by Rattlesnake Creek in Missoula, Montana, and it hit me--the look on my face and my body language are "ain't nuthin' but a thang" as a state of being. If you've been to my classes, or worked with me, you've probably heard me say, better yet, demonstrate, that to me "yoga" is a state of being. I encourage that as a cue when leading a yoga asana practice, and certainly when working with my Yoga Mindset Coaching clients. You know that saying that teachers teach life lesson they themselves need to learn? Well, I'm just emerging from a string of months that posed a critical mass of existential threats to my being in that state. I don't use the adjective "existential" lightly, but I felt a bit like the Buddha late last summer and into mid-winter, when Mara threw every challenge in the book at him, testing his ability to, you know, be the Buddha. This was not a time of "nuthin but a thang" for me. It was a decided sumthin".
In relation to how those circumstances left me feeling, I want to share my current read, Zero at the Bone: Fifty Exercises Against Despair by Christian Wiman. I picked it up when I recalled that a feeling of despair was one that I identified with every single day during that time. When I saw this quote from Lev Shestow's All Things Are Possible in Wiman's book,
"An irremediably unhappy person is outside the laws of earth."
I realized it was something to that effect that had remained in the core of my being and got me through those fright-full circumstances. That, and the help of many friends and students, whose support was crucial in my surviving the sumthin's. Wiman has another book, a book of poetry, whose title exemplifies what got me through--
Survival is a Style.
"Style," in the aesthetic sense, has always being critical to my being. I design it into every aspect of my life, so to think of survival as a chosen self-expression feels like something I might like to try on for size. It is fetching.
Please note, "It ain't nuthin' but a thang" is not an expression I recommend universally. It is important that we don't try to sweep those parts of us that feel overwhelmed under the rug. I was thinking of this recently while spending time with a friend who admittedly runs anxious. She has a number of significant health issues, and was panic stricken to the point of being unconsolable. I knew there was nothing I could, or should, say to calm her down. In this case it would have been cruel for me to say that thang thing. So I just sat with her and listened to provide space.I am grateful to report that on other occasions, when she becomes frantic over something with less emotional charge, like when she can't find her sunglasses, I have offered "it ain't nuthin' but a thang," and it truly shifts her energy, she has even adopted it as a mantra.
Had this been a client, I might have offered this question instead: "Does any other possibility exist?" I invite clients to befriend those troubling thoughts ("thangs") in order to create space for self-acceptance and reassurance. The best part of this approach is it doesn't end there. To truly embody acceptance of what's been been in their way I then lead them through a short yoga and relaxation practice specific to clearing the way. I've often witnessed some of those mountains begin to feel more like molehills, where survival does begin to feel "in style."
Thank you for taking the time to read this missive. I hope it might be a bit like the experience of turning the kaleidoscope, where suddenly there's a brand new, brilliant way of seeing what's right in front of you. Perhaps even a shift away from a style of "to eat the awful while you starve your awe," in Christian Wiman's words.
Please share any memories you have when you found you could "give it a giggle instead of sigh." I'd love to hear, or feel free to be in touch if you like to know more about working with me, we can have a chat.
Much love, and do take care,
Barbra
Upcoming Offerings
Third Thursdays Rest Ritual
A full hour of yoga nidra each month at Blue Door Yoga & Wellness in Penngrove, 4:30-5:30pm. A gift to your well being, every month!
Studies in Yoga Practice, Philosophy, and History for Self Inquiry and Inspiration.
I will be opening the doors for small group or one-on-one individualized yoga studies (think of it a a yoga book club) in the fall. There will be opportunities to co-create the curriculum and choose studies that truly make a difference in your life, as we explore yoga philosophies and practices that have been key to my own learning of life lessons.
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