*Me in Sonoma, 2010.
Genetics play many roles in our lives, some obvious (that's me as my mom's doppelganger in a Photoshop headband), some not. Take tendencies, for example. My father worked for a company that transferred him around the south a number of times, and I seem to have inherited the "moving on" gene. In the year 2007, I made the seventh major relocation of my life, to live in my seventh state. I've now made the Sonoma area home for the longest I've ever stayed in one place. And I've got an itch.
Thoughts of a big move have been whispering in my ear for a couple of years, and this year, well, let's just say, those thoughts (in fact my entire life) have pushed me right to the edge. Michael Beckwith speaks of how a baby bird pollutes its own shell before emerging from the confiding eggshell, rendering not moving out toxic. He also cautions--"If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much room." If we give ourselves permission to truly feel the pain of stagnancy, of not moving into who we are meant to be, we can hear and heed the clarion call of emergence.
There are times when to not emerge creates an emergency.
To emerge as who we are meant to be, to follow the call of our own wild nature, is to experience our inherent nature. To me, one of the greatest gifts of yoga is not arranging our bodies into some flexible form (my photo above notwithstanding), but to abide in a vast, unlimited spaciousness of being. Thanks to my recent studies with an extraordinary teacher, the recently passed Sally Kempton, mine eyes have seen the glory, the glory of my very being as spaciousness, consciousness. I'm not putting on airs here. You, too, are pure consciousness. Every last little thing is consciousness, even plastic. Admittedly, in order for this to take hold as a lived experience rather than an incomprehensible concept, a sustained meditation practice is essential. I realize embracing a meditation practice can be daunting and easy to put on the back burner of your mind, which is exactly why I bring it to the forefront of my teachings. I understand many people may think they "can't" meditate, that it is just too hard, but you are well worth the promises it brings, vast spacious awareness where once there had been constriction.
Life's lessons have indeed pushed me to the edge this year. I had to acknowledge being stuck in order to expand into that spaciousness. Did you know that before the caterpillar ventures out to become a flight-filled butterfly, it becomes a goo? Now that's sticky.
I've still got one foot in the chrysalis, but will soon be shaping my transition in one of the most nourishing, restorative, and light-filled places I know of - my "spiritual home office," the Himalayan Institute in Honesdale, PA. (above). I'm taking some time to refill my cup by studying with exceptional yoga, meditation, and wisdom teachers, walking the 400-acre campus, cherishing company, and just being. Yeah, I'm going Home again.
As I rejuvenate, I plan to transition not only myself, but my work. Listening to my own intuition, and the deeper needs of my students and community, not to mention almost 25 years of continuous trainings and studies, I am making a commitment to offer a more personalized, in-depth, and co-created approach to yoga and mental wellbeing. Part of this clarion call is remembering the point when I knew I wanted more than just an hour here or here going to yoga classes. I had been going to classes with my teacher for a few years, and while she was an exceptional teacher, there came a day when I wanted to learn more.
I haven't plotted out all the details of what I'll be offering next. The next couple of months are about pushing myself out of the nest in order to create a true feeling of "nestiness" for myself. My intentions while at the Himalayan are to recapture the person I was meant to be. I'll stay in touch, and when I... emerge... I will be reaching out to a few of you who I sense are itching to learn more, and to... move into... a life of dedicated study and practice devoted to becoming the person you were meant to be.
You, yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
The Buddha
Please don't hesitate to reach out if you are curious about exploring "going home," if you'd like to explore ways I can help you come home to you.
*I've come a long way from the Barbra beaming a smile while in a virtual side-splits. These days, I see "accomplished" yoga as, well, you just read it.